Modern Conveniences

After two weeks without the convenience of an automatic dryer, a brand new gas dryer is in my laundry room.  The first of many loads of clothes is tumbling in it as I type.  In this day and age of multiple modern conveniences, and the pace of modern day life, it is the simple pleasure of a new dryer that gives me joy in this moment.

The conveniences that are evident in our lives have quickly evolved over the past century.  The pace of life has evolved quickly as well.  We rush to work, and then home to cook dinner and our proverbial second work shift.  Clean up after dinner, provide homework assistance, rush to our own or our children’s evening activities.  Return home, pick up stray clothes, papers and animal toys.  Prepare the next day’s lunches and lay out tomorrow’s wardrobe.  Wash up, prepare for bed and expect to watch thirty minutes of a favorite show or read a book, when in reality you fall asleep within ten minutes.  Wake to the sound of the alarm or radio and the cycle starts again.

Modern day inventions have provided much convenience for us, and they also contribute to our hurried lives.  The internet is a great tool for communication, yet many people find themselves alienated from their family and friends while they feel compelled to spend an inordinate amount of time on the computer.  Young people text instead of talk to each other on the phone or in person.  Conversation at the dinner table, if any at all, is often limited to short phrases.

The inventions of modern life were meant to make our lives easier.  An automatic dryer in my house does make my life easier as now I will not need to transport multiple loads of wet clothes to the laundromat.  It was during one of my trips to the laundromat over the past two weeks that I came to realize that the pace of my life has outpaced me.  The new dryer may not translate into a slower pace, my intention and determination to give attention to purposeful rest and relaxation will.

Role Models

            The news reports are often filled with reports of sports figures and celebrities who committed a crime or misdemeanor.  An argument is often made that public figures have a duty or obligation to be role models for the public – especially for young people.  Yes, young people are impressionable and may follow the lead of adults whom they admire.  However, the first role models that children have in their lives are their parents.  Parents have the obligation to be top notch role models for their children.

            A parent is a child’s first teacher.  It is from Mom and Dad that a child learns not only his first words, but his style of speaking.  Values, attitudes and behavior – all modeled and directly taught – are passed down by the parents.  Through the investment of quality time spent reading, children learn to appreciate literature.  Involvement in the daily activities of the household, as soon as the child is old enough, develops a sense of responsibility and contribution to the greater good of the family.  Every moment is a teaching moment, math, civics, history – the list is virtually endless for what can be discussed or taught in any given circumstance.

            The pace of today’s world places a tremendous challenge to parents in the process of raising healthy and happy children.  The stress of both parents working, or perhaps in the face of the current economy, the lack of work, may be a burden to parents.  For working parents, the arrangements for children to get to their after school activities is compounded by the stress of the parent being able to show up at the games, and other activities, to cheer on their children.  In the face of daily challenges, parents have steady opportunities to model calm and polite behaviors.

            It can be very disheartening when a public figure engages in behavior that falls below a family’s moral standards.  Parents may naturally point fingers at the public figure and admonish their children to never do what that person has done.  Parents should be aware of what is happening in their children’s lives and engage them (on an age appropriate level) on the impact of the crimes and misdemeanors of public figures.  Parents also need to realize the ongoing impact of their own daily behavior on their children, and strive to be the optimum role model for their children.

Snow Day

A March snowstorm, a "northeaster", has blanketed the North Atlantic states with a beautiful setting of several inches of snow.  Like all of life, a person's reaction to the snowfall depends on its impact on his/her life.  I work as school teacher, and today is an unexpected snow day!  I'm not sure who was happier last night when the school district made an early announcement concerning the closure of schools - myself or my daughter.

Snow day - an opportunity to sleep late (although I still had to arise at 5:15 to let the dogs relive themselves, I was able to get three more hours of sleep after that), lounge in pajamas (it's after 10:30 AM and yes, I am gloriously wearing my pj's), catch up on emails and other internet tasks (as in writing this entry for one), time enough to prepare a home cooked meal, and perhaps some errand running after the snow stops falling.

As a youngster, a snow day meant sleeping late, lounging in my pajamas, doing whatever extra chores our mother might have directed us to do, watching television, playing with my sisters (inside or outside), reading, and as we were older, baking brownies or cookies.  For the majority of my school years, we lived in an area that was very flat, and there were no sledding hills within any reasonable distance.  Sometimes we would pull each other around on a sled.  There's only so much of that activity that you can do as a young girl.  There was a small pond near our house where I learned to ice skate; on a snow day the snow precluded any ice skating activity.

I have managed to live my entire life - including where I attended college - within a thirty mile radius.  We moved last April to an area where I lived the first seven years of my life.  Now we are close to a sledding hill - one of the best in the city!   Given that my youngest child is fifteen years old, the sleds were retired a few years back.  I live my life, however, by the concept that you are only as old as you allow yourself to feel.  Right now I feel young enough to take a ride down that sledding hill.  The challenge is that I have no sled to use.  I find myself unprepared to fully enjoy one of nature's unexpected gifts. 

As soon as the sleds are stocked in the late fall/early winter, I will be there with cash in hand.  Nature gives us the gifts, it is our choice whether to fully appreciate them.  I can still enjoy this day with necessary tasks around the house and just relaxing with my daughter.  Next winter, I will be prepared to be on the hill with the young, and the other young at heart adults.  All who are prepared and young at heart, meet me at the top of the hill as soon as the next snowflake falls!

Communication, Communication...

My grandmother, who served as my role model after my mother passed away when I was fifteen, advised me early in my first marriage that "communication, communication, communication" was essential to a successful marriage.  Given that my first marriage resulted in divorce, I evidently did not strongly heed her advice.  What I have grown to know is that effective communication is essential to developing a strong marriage as well as family relationships.  A recent incident brought to my attention that I need to pass this advice to my fifteen year old daughter.

My daughter shared with me her frustration concerning a conversation which she had had with her father.  There was a conflict concerning how to get her overnight bag to his house when she would not be going there directly this afternoon.  She was going to my oldest son's apartment after school, and then they were to meet their father at a professional hockey game.  Carrying her overnight and school bags on public transportation in the morning to school, her brother's in the afternoon, and to the hockey arena in the evening would be cumbersome and a challenge.  Her father would not have time to stop at our house before the game and did not want to stop at our house after the hockey game.  In the end, I drove my daughter to her father's house last night and dropped off the bag while he was running errands somewhere.

I validated my daughter's feelings of frustration when she shared them with me without criticizing her father's form of communication.  After all, it was a dialogue in which I had no part.  I could only offer her a listening ear and an understanding heart.  After reflection today and a conversation with my husband, I realize that my daughter needs to develop effective communication skills when a disagreement occurs.  I cannot go back and change the mistakes that I made in the past.  I can, however, have a hand in assisting my daughter to avoid those mistakes and find joy in effective communication skills.  I know that my life has improved significantly as I have given attention to my communication skills and personal growth.  It is my desire that my daughter experience success in her relationships by utilizing effective communication.

Tightrope Walks With A Blended Family

Being a mother is always a balancing act.  Being the mother in a fairly new blended family is like walking on a tightrope.  Last night I took my teenage daughter to a counselor for a first time visit.  She has expressed the desire to see a counselor for a few months time.  The visit appeared to go well and through the process it is my deep desire that my daughter start to feel like the gem that she truly is.

My husband of fourteen months and I usually chat on the telephone for about ten minutes immediately prior to the start of my work day.  This morning I was on the receiving end of a comment concerning the fact that he feels that he is not called upon to assist my children (I have a twenty year old son in college who also resides with us) when they are facing challenges.  By the tone of his voice, I could tell that perhaps what his true message was is that he is feeling "left out."

I have been in the family raising business for almost twenty-five years.  I have soothed numerous "bo-bos" and hurt feelings.  Children have been nursed back to health through cases of chicken pox, the flu, sore throat, earaches, and other maladies I'm sure I have forgotten.  My children and I have an established history of care and support.  It is now time to help my husband feel that he is a part of the same team by coaching him through the process of building caring, trusting relationships with my children.